Bad Intentions

Getting DKA is bad, as I've already said. Getting DKA when you've been sick is horrible because not only are you feeling absolutely crappy from being ill but then your blood decide they no longer need to be nice and have a party and that sends you into DKA. Not very nice at all.
 Like I've said I had my first stint with DKA when I got ill, the second time it happened all I can put it down to is I was still run down from the previous time and because of the whole puberty thing my hormones where all over the place coursing havoc and with insulin being a hormone itself they don't mix well. That time wasn't quite as bad as we knew what was happening, still hospital admitted but not for quite as long. Again I came out looking like death warmed over and still run down but better and ready to put all these episodes behind me, I was starting secondary school in the fall and I had to be ready and prepared.
 All was fine for the first year, which was great, but something happened over that summer holiday and I don't really remember what. We'd gone to Canada to visit family had a great time, like any other visit, but that time I came back and had gained quit a bit of weight .. like 2 stone (thats around 28 pounds) .. I ballooned! I came back a different person (probably the new me devoured the old me!).
 Things got hard for me after that. My friends didn't act any different, my school life wasn't really any different but boys only really saw me as the friend type after that and because of the drastic change of my appearance I had to get new clothes (now normally that would be cause for celebration but not when you've gone gone up 4 dress sizes and you want to cry for the rest of existence).
  I got very bad emotionally very quickly.
 But then I remembered what happened to me when I got DKA.

 Now you're probably shouting at the screen .. No Alex you didn't!! .. well yes I did.
 I started to purposefully not take my Insulin, it would only be the odd one here or there at first. At the time I was on a four a day injection plan. The long acting at night and 3 quick acting (one for each meal) at night. But it steadily got worse of course, it turned into only doing one injection a day. I got sick and it wasn't real quick either, I was having just enough insulin to get me through but it wasn't enough to survive on. So obviously I went into A and E with DKA .. I was in for about 5 days and I lost quit a bit of weight.
 (Do you guys remember that big fad diet the Atkins diet? .. yes well that's just another name for DKA)
 I was happy because I'd lost weight. But it didn't last long, because they put my insulin doses up thinking I wasn't having enough. Do you know what high doses of insulin can do to you? .. it make you hungry so you eat more so you have to inject more but then you feel hungrier, see where this is headed? .. One great big huge emotional catch 22.
I ate what I wanted, didn't really care what it was, hardly injected if at al I stopped doing blood tests all together because I didn't like seeing the numbers climb, I knew that shouldn't be that high that it was wrong and it upset me so I thought if i didn't do them at all then I wouldn't need to seem them so I wouldn't know if they where high or not basically slowly started to destroy my body, but not only my body, I wasn't the most happy person, I became clinically depressed and put on the happy pills. I was in and out of the hospital every 6 months, had to see the doctors every 3. Missed half of my school life and wasn't only screwing up my life right then but my future too.
 I was young and had then mentality most of the young have, that want happen to me. My diabetic control was gone, the diabetic team I had didn't help in any manor. All they saw was a out of control teen and nobody wanted to deal with that, it was like they saw me coming and had the tape ready to play on loop.
 My teen years where very dark for me. I didn't want to acknowledge what I was doing to myself wasn't the answer, it was a quick fix for a problem I didn't see any way out off (for a smart person I can be very dumb sometimes). This wasn't the solution, but part of the problem was that I didn't have someone to slap me out of it, to sit down and say What the bloody hell are you doing to yourself. My poor mum tried but we didn't really get on at the time and bless her she didn't really know how to say that, she was stressed out and frustrated so most things turned into verbal fights.
 But at some point through all that it became less about the weight loss from hell but to rebellion, At that time it was the only thing I felt I had any real control over and it was truly my choice if I injected or not and at that time I didn't really care if I lived or died, it was my choice either way.
 I did that for 5 whole years.
 DKA isn't pretty, it's horrible and the effects it can have on your body are horrible too. But it's not only the side effects that happen right then, the build up of everything and having your bloods running at over 20 for 5 years can have devastating effects that might not show up for a few years.

 I will always be haunted but what I chose to do, my life could have gone so differently, but then through everything I put myself through I honestly shouldn't be walking on this earth anymore. But I am. I made me the person I am today and maybe I am a stronger person today then I would have been.

 I do NOT recommend what I did as a good idea!! DO NOT DO IT!!! Please take it from me .. learn from me .. I will tell you everything that went wrong all the problems I have had because of that choice, you don't want to go through what I did, It was hell!