Ok so just touching back to last weeks post,
I want you all to understand that even though I put myself through all that crap, I got comfortable with the routine, which is so stupidly ridiculous I know. At the time the hospital was the only place I felt safe, not that I wasn't safe at home, I guess it was more safe from myself, I was stable and I got to spend time with my mum (not the most ideal place to have family time), Ma and I started talking more and getting on better, I would be well for a little while and then things would start crashing all over again, like a wave. It was that kind of process in my head.
I decided to get my act together. Now this wasn't one of those, I woke up one morning and realised what I'd been doing and I started to change my life tha very day kind of things. It had been playing on my mind for a while. I had lost major contact with a lot of my friends at school even though I was still going (well only half the time, I was in hospital or off ill the rest, or there was that one time I called in every day for a month pretending to be my mum, which later was my downfall as she is Canadian and I don't have her accent, in my defence she sounds like she has an English accent to me), The novelty of a sick friend had worn off and they didn't care so much, you truly find out who is your real friends when you go through something like that. My grade weren't the best either, even though i still passed my GCSE's and got higher grades then they predicted, I know I could have done so much better, if I wasn't and idiot and skipped school.
It was when I'f gone in for one of my hospital appointments (every 3 months in those days, they did want once a week but we couldn't get there that often) and the doctor was chewing around the same old speech, I'd gotten bored and was thinking about something, it obviously showed on my face. He stopped and looked at me properly for the first time in that whole appointment (I was the one they would all groan at when they saw my name on the list, different doctor each time) and he turned to me and said
'Alex, you are going to die, you are slowly and horribly killing your body, you wont live to see 21'
I'd gone in on my own that day, I was in my teens so it's not like I needed a hand to hold when I went, but I could have really used it that day. It was one of the few times a doctor has made me cry (I didn't do it in front of him, I went to the bathroom, how sad a cliched is that right)
I was 1^ when I heard that, I had 5 short years apparently and it was all because of me.
Know I'm not going to tell you that was the point I changed my whole life, bad habits die hard, but it was the point in my life that I asked for help. The help to try and sort out all that crap going around in my head, that was tinting the world.
So I got help, once a month I went to the hospital to talk to someone and it wasn't just about my Diabetes, it was anything and everything that I need to get out, (not everything but the major things at the time that was the most bothering).
That was the first step, admitting I needed help, going to my ma and asking her to help me to find the person or people that could help me.
It's hard to watch someone you love go through something hard and it's harder still to know it's themselves that are causing most of the trouble, but it doesn't matter how much you love them and try to help, in the end it's them that needs to admit that there's a problem and ask for the help, because then they are doing it for themselves and not any body else. 9 times out of 10 it will work and stick when it's them that makes the first move rather somebody else pushing it onto them.
Sorry if it sounds like I'm repeating myself, I just want you guys to understand where this can come from, why someone can stop looking taking the medication that is keeping them alive.
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